October 23, 2012
Daddy wrote us a letter, again. He told us, whether we are together or apart we will always be in his heart and mind, forever. We love our Daddy. We tell him everyday and he tells us the same. I wonder if everyone is as fortunate as we are. Of course we can't read it yet, but that doesn't mean you can't read it for us, and for that we thank you.
To Maritza & Alyssia, my air, my mind (for without it, I could not live),
The day is fast approaching, when we must leave this place. The place where you two were born and my life was given true meaning. You wont realize this until you read this letter, and by then it will just be a memory of a time when you were too young to remember. A time that will only be spoken of when we talk about the family we left behind. I wish we could take The Woodley's & The Johnson's with us. Come to think of it, we will. They have seen you's grow, they remember you as infants, and most of all, they have loved you as their own. I will always remind you of the family you have in Baltimore. I will always pay respects to the city that gave me my two princesses, my angels, my shining stars, even though I have been through more turmoil and disgust in the past three years in Baltimore, than all my twenty-seven years in New York City.
In this day and age, most men don't raise their children or get the chance to raise their children, like I do. The
fact is, most don't want to. For those that do, it becomes difficult for both the father and the children. The
child begins to live in two worlds. The mothers (the majority of the
time) and the fathers (one or two weekends, if he's fortunate). The mothers word in this world is
law. I fear it everyday. Maybe, that's why I don't take for granted the privileges that I have, of being in you lives, day in and day out. Not a
moment goes by that I forget my luxuries. The meals I prepare for you, I know what
you don't like and which foods are your favorites. I cook like my mother, because I enjoy my little kitchen helpers by my side, and microwaving a dinner doesn't create moments, it takes them away. Luxuries like washing your cloths, from
your pillow cases, to your socks, stuffed animals and blankets. I know which ones are yours, Maritza, and which
ones belong to you, Alyssia. Luxuries like clipping your nails, brushing your teeth, and yes, even wiping your butts after you use the potty. Brushing your hair, giving you baths, and keeping you clean. I love putting lotion smiley, sad, angry, and surprised faces on the back of your hands, and the tops of your feet, right before the tickle monster comes after your dressed to go to sleep. I enjoy and respect most importantly, educating, nurturing, and guiding you. My wisdom
will become your knowledge.
Sometimes Maritza & Alyssia, I can't help but feel this
unexplainable feeling in the pit of my stomach. If I had to try. I would
have to say, anxiety mixed with uncertainty, dipped in panic, rolled in
torment, and baked in an oven of outrage. I worry that what we have
wont last forever. That in an instant our situation will change and you
will be taken away from me. Society can be cruel that way. I can lie and guarantee you the world and everything in it, but
that's all it would be, a lie, if you are not raised by me, live with me, or enjoy life with me. The world has no idea what I am
trying to establish. What I am trying to accomplish. Long before you
will read, and fully understand this letter. You will understand, I am
not working vigorously to keep you alive (that's simple). I am not
struggling to guarantee your safety (that's a given). I am not frustrated
on giving you my attention(that's easy). I am not skeptical of your
future (what I do, while you are a child, is were my focus lies). You will
understand, I am aware. I am coherent. Apprehensive of my morals,
creativity, compassion, inspiration, loyalty, curiosity, rationality, my
emotions, my life, and my ability to process information. You will know
this, my babies, my daughters, because I will instil this deep in your heart, mind, and soul. The world is a scary place, but so is the dark without a flashlight to shine the way.
I will be your light, your guide, your strength. Your tissue to catch your tears, your pillow to rest your head. I will be your cheerleader on the sidelines, no matter the score. I will step back to let you fall, because falling helps you to learn, to pick yourself back up. I will commend your accomplishments and also your mistakes. I will be that ear you need to tell your story, that hug you need when you feel angry. I will be your father with a stern and confident position, and at times your friend, so you could understand any situation. I know that sometimes you wont like my decisions, but I hope these letters I write will help to ease your confusion. I don't know what the future holds and I don't care, because right now in my life I have two of the most beautiful, caring, loving girls that I have ever known. I look at my life and wonder, what I have done to receive the hell that life is serving me now, but then I look at my life with you two in it... and I got exactly what I deserved.
Thank you, my Daddy's little girls. I promise you I won't let you down.
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