My Tio Ben

 July 18, 2012

 I thought my Daddy was alone, family wise. Day after day, we see other people with their families. A mother, a father, an uncle or two, cousins, a few aunts, even grandparents.Not Daddy. Daddy has a few relatives that we know of. They don't live near us.We have an aunt in Brooklyn, N.Y. (we call her Titi Barbara) she has a husband named Tio Lou and a daughter named Sammi. We also have an uncle named Ben who lives in Brooklyn, N.Y., We call him Tio Ben, and that is pretty much our family circle. Oh, let us not forget to mention our family in Puerto Rico. Daddy says he loves them and would like to see them, but PR is so far away and everyone is just so busy. Maybe one day. On our mothers side, what we have is a mystery. She never spoke of them like Daddy speaks of his. We hear of Daddy's side of the family constantly. For instance, Daddy is always saying "I love you" to them after every phone call. You're probably thinking it must be weird to hear two grown men, tell each other I love you, but these grown men are blood brothers. Like, me and Alyssia are. Well, not exactly like Alyssia and I. We are different ages. My Daddy and Tio Ben are the same age. I know, strange. Huh? How could they both be the same age? Were they born at the same time and what does fraternal twins mean? I asked Daddy and he said "Fraternal twins means two separate eggs were fertilized at the same time". I gave Daddy a look that told him "What are you talking about? Eggs? I asked about You and Tio Ben?" He quickly changed his response and said "It's when a mommy carries two babies in her belly at the same time. When they are born, if they look alike, they are identical, if they look different, they are called fraternal. I can explain a lot better when you're older". I love the fact that Daddy tries so hard for us to comprehend what he's trying to explain, even though we haven't a clue.


 We don't get to see our family often, due to the fact of distance between us, but when we do, it's like they were never gone. It's great! Just like, how great it is to have our Tio Ben visit. The moment he arrived was like seeing two giants crash into each other as they showed their affection. Daddy was almost crushed by Tio Ben. I would say "and vice versa", but I don't think Daddy could crush Tio Ben with a single hug. They hugged for a long time like we do, when Daddy drops us off at Apple's house in the morning, before he heads to work. Tio Ben is a big man. He looks like a wrestler. Daddy said Tio Ben won almost all the fights they had, when we were younger. He said "it was apart of growing up and Tio Ben won mainly because of his size." I think it's because Tio Ben is soo strong. Alyssia and I were hanging from Tio Ben's biceps and it felt like holding on to a tree limb. He's like our very own Grizzly bear, that lets us brush his hair.  It's not long like Daddy's, so it's easier to brush and style, and believe us we brush and styled it.

 Last night, Daddy headed to bed early. Daddy's been exhausted lately, so you couldn't blame him. Usually, after everything is taken care of(of course) he puts us in bed before himself. This night was different, this night was special. Daddy went to his room, didn't even say good night, and went to sleep. We didn't mind. Tio Ben was here and awake. I'm sure that's the reason Daddy would do something out of the ordinary, like break our routine. While Daddy slept we did things we could never do at that time of night. Most importantly staying awake. What a gift it was to stay up past bedtime(Thank you Tio Ben). We played with his hair and styled it. We were his "ladies in the hair cutlery." Tio even recorded us for a bit, so he can have some memories to take with him. We had so much fun, Alyssia passed out on the couch, I stood awake. Daddy eventually woke up. He came into the living room, looking a little groggy, picked up Alyssia and carried her off to bed. He then, called my name and said "Ready for bed Maritza?" I replied without consideration of the truth "Yes, Daddy" He smiled, then said "say goodnight to Tio Ben" I turned to Tio Ben, ran to his huge bear hug and said "goodnight Tio Ben".

 I would of told him more, but you know how Daddy gets. To have a smile on his face after seeing his princesses, up past their bedtime, awake while the king slept, ruining the routine, Breaking the habit(you get the picture.) is nothing short of a miracle, better yet a miscalculation on Daddy's part. So, I save my thoughts to satisfy my Daddy and my memories of my Tio Ben, knowing this. We love you Tio Ben. We are happy to know, there is someone out in this distrustful world, that truly cares about our Daddy. Someone, who isn't out to get him, jealous of his accomplishments, or envious of his outlook. You say your his twin with a passion of pride that echos "We are closer than brothers. We are twins.We are one." Nothing will ever change that. Like, nothing will ever change the fact that, we are your nieces, we are blood, and we love you. We hope you visit us again. We had so much fun. Thank you.

We spell mommy. D-a-d-d-y

Almost two years ago..to read these again after so long is mind blowing to me. I started writing these memories to store a record of my experiences and those of my baby girls. More so to vent, channel, release, (however you want to put  it), these feelings of hopelessness, doubt, anger and frustration. Now I believe my two daughters will get a kick out of these tales, when they grow an interest enough to do so. Until then, I'm glad I can share them with you,  enjoy

May 20, 2012

Our Daddy. Our World. They are one and the same. We don't have many years of experience on this planet, but from what we've experienced, our world would not exist, if our Daddy didn't. While we are awake, Daddy gives us all his attention. Even while we sleep, Daddy is busy taking care of our needs for the following day. Daddy says, "Giving a child everything they want is senseless, giving them everything they need is essential." Daddy doesn't think like most-we've heard the phrase "to each his own" and we were taught to know, not everyone thinks the same. For instance, Daddy would say "Individuality is the key to creativity and creativity is the key to progress.". So we ride on that wave of endless creativity and give you our journey, through our trials of failure and achievement, our thirst for the unknown, our happiness, sorrow,  joy, anger, frustration and bliss. We do apologize if we offend. We also take credit If we commend.(that rhymed)

We can only copy from a model. An example, right in front of our noses. It doesn't matter who you are, where you came from, what you do for a living, or the way you live your life, it is not a factor, when it comes to mimicking. We observe, we report. Only when the years accumulate and the reflection of your character, personality and identity, give proof to who you really are. Your defects or attributes can now be seen from an outside view. Daddy knows this and that is why, Daddy is our world.

We experience the smallest wonders to the greatest amazement's because of our Daddy. Our curiosity is satisfied only to open room for more. Daddy says "I will always have an answer for you. If not, I will help you to find it." Daddy has a lot to say, which only scrapes at the surface at an explanation of Daddy's constant barrage of words, sentences, paragraphs, pages, books, libraries and his "ancient scriptures of the mind". He takes the time to think "Does this situation call for a mothers sensitivity and compassion?". Though, I think he doesn't practice it as frequently as he should. Most of the time, it's the, stern, aggressive, tones and actions which strike fear and confidence in us. His strength and power shine through that silk cloak, draped across his iron fist. We see through the delicateness, through the gentleness and see our stone of impenetrable force, which stands watch over us, scarred from the mighty blows of hardship and struggle that we did not-excuse me-The hardship and struggle, that he did not, allow us to endure. He magnifies the gratitude and content for the abilities of his six senses, his limbs, appendages, and shines it outward for us to bask in, for we do not know of appreciation and gratitude. We only know what we see and duplicate, like The confidence in his actions, to the love he reserves only for his baby girls.

 To try and elaborate words to describe, I would have to ask you this. If you could?, go back and remember what it was like as an infant, being cradled, five feet above the ground. No distinction between the safety of solid ground and the security of "those arms". You look up and two pairs of eyes engage in a intricate conversation only heard on the other side of the cosmos.  An aura so loud, yet so gentle envelops you. You hear a whisper.... "I will never let you go. I will keep you safe". Instantly you acknowledge, he is right. There is nothing to fear as long as you are with him. Monsters and demons do not exist, the shadows and the darkness could not be seen with a love so bright.  He is, our first true love, our night in shining armor, our hero. To know him is to love him. Then you would most likely, resent him with uncertainty, because his love for us is perceived as selfishness and insensitivity, to the rest of the world.

Daddy once said "I am a selfish man. I know this. Now I am a selfish father and the world will know this." Ya' know.....Daddy's quotes are like a good restaurant you just found, everyone you know hears about it, still few experience it for themselves. We love you Daddy.