November 6, 2012
Dear Mommy,
The most wonderful thing happened yesterday. It's the kind of event you would gather everyone you love and celebrate. It would be considered the party of the century. Barbara would be there with Lucinio and Sammi, the tears pouring from Barbara's eyes. Normally I would crack a joke, in hopes to change her mood, but those were tears of joy and you know, when it comes to those types of tears, the best thing to do is to let them flow. Ben would be there... wearing a smile from ear to ear, with his arm over my shoulders, telling me that he never had a doubt, while eyeing my friend Katie. Katie has done so much for the girls and I. Many holidays would not have been, if it wasn't for her. She has shown me, not everyone gives for the sake of what they hope to gain in return. The Woodley's would be there, Dawn, Stephen, Leo, Skyler, and Mom. Mom is Stephens mother, Her and I partake in conversations you and I would engage in, if you were still alive. How I enjoy the talks we have. Dawn would be crying too. She's as emotional as any mother would be. Even more so, since witnessing most of the scenery on the road I had to endure to get to this point in my life. I know her sister Tina would be there to lean on. She is good peoples like that. Another family attending, that I am grateful to call my family is The Johnson's. Kenny, Jackie, Lil' Kenny, and Julia. Kenny is my Baltimore brother, him and his family have created so many memories for the girls and I. Memories that will stay with us forever. Grandma and Grandpa would be there, Tia, Jason, Yahaira, her husband Robert, and Jose Raul, all the way from Puerto Rico. Tia and I spoke on the phone, not to long ago. We had the longest conversation I have ever had with her. It reminded me of all the years we missed out on family and despite all those years, I was shown family will reach out a lending hand in times of need.
There are others I didn't mention that will be there too. They, like everyone else, would get the chance to meet my guest of honor. The women who is responsible for all this. The women who deserves all the credit. The women who not only taught me right from wrong, but also showed me by example, how a women should treat herself and her children.... That women is you, Mommy. You would be by my side, as I introduce you to those who, Maritza, Alyssia, and myself, call family. The people who made it a little less unbearable to be so far away from home. We would all be there to celebrate. Celebrate the day I gained full and sole custody of my two beautiful angels. That's right Mommy...full and sole custody of your grandchildren. I know you would of preferred it this way. Every child deserves to have their mother in their life, especially little girls. I tried all that I could, and learned in the process, you can't force someone to put another before themselves, to take responsibility, or to be a caretaker. The process was long, frustrating, and heartbreaking, but with all that you have shown me, I made it through. There were times when all I wanted was for you to be there, like the day I found the text that proved to me "the mother of my children" was cheating on me. I imagined you coming to Baltimore, packing her things, putting them on the porch, and telling her "If you didn't want a family, you shouldn't of opened your legs! You Gotsta Go!!, and don't worry about the girls, we'll take it from here" She would get the point and I wouldn't feel so helpless.
Now I just want you here, to see what I have become and most importantly what Maritza and Alyssia have become. They are my perfect little girls. I am grateful for the chance to raise my girls, everyday, in my image. Nothing in the world, gives me more pleasure, than hearing their voices, answering their questions, and holding them, in my arms. I could not fathom the thought of "weekend visitation" and "Part-time parenting", much like the thought of raising my girls without your guidance. When you passed away, you took with you, my advice and help center for raising children, my back-up memory banks of my life, and the best grandmother my girls could have ever had. I would give anything to have seen the expression on your face or to feel the embrace of your hug, when the judge granted me the ability to raise my girls, with less uncertainty and more clarity. Their lives are in my hand, Mommy. The way Barbara, Ben, and my life were in your hands. People I know ask me "how do you do it?" I look at them in the eyes and say "I don't really know how I'm doing it", as the conversation fades, I come to the same conclusion every time. You did not struggle to show us you loved us. You did not stumble over your words as you told us "I love you". You did not question your parenting skills, or doubt your intentions. You never made us feel like we were unwanted and not once have you ever implied or told us "you hated us" You loved us from the bottom of your heart to the height of your being. Life was difficult, yes, but loving your children was easy, second nature. It is because of that attitude and outlook on life, that reminds me of one thing from my childhood......."It doesn't matter how much money you have or what horrible situation you might be going through, all you really have is each other"
Thank you, Mommy. Thank you for showing me how to love, how to care, and how to cry. Thank you for making me different, making my girls the bud of everyone's compliments. Thank you for my childhood, my memories and my example to follow. Of all the things I thank you for , I now know on this day, the most important.....I want to thank you for showing me how to be a Mommy. I love you and I will write again soon.
Missing you dearly,
Andy
That's beautiful! Congratulations on ur full custody. I never doubted for one second that you would achieve this.
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