June 24, 2012
I didn't mean it. It happened without warning. You could say it slipped out, but Daddy would say "it could only slip out if you were preventing yourself from saying it in the first place". I don't know why it sounded as if I've said this before. It was a mistake. I could still see the emotion on my Daddy's face as it projected his shame and disbelief. His little baby girl, had crossed the boundaries of proper language. When Ive seen Daddy at his quietest is when he is at his angriest. It's better to let him calm himself down. DO NOT DISTURB! So, I bowed my head to avoid eye contact. I never felt so ashamed. I peeked my eyes past by brow to assess the situation. The assessment, Daddy caught my eye and didn't let go. It was as if his eyes were speaking a language only I could hear.....well, maybe Alyssia could hear it too. She knew something upset Daddy. She also knew, it wasn't her who upset him. It was me. I was crushed under the weight of Daddy's disappointment. He doesn't have to curse or hit me to prove his point to me(discipline me). I can feel it when Daddy isn't Daddy.
I still can't believe I said it. I'll never forget it, for as long as I live
The story goes, we were in the bath, Daddy turns on the water to the shower head and when it sprayed out, it scared me. I jumped back and said....
this word that Daddy actually asked me to repeat. He said with heavy concern "What did you say, Maritza?!
He asked me twice, then he stopped himself the third time, mid sentence. He said "There are a million words in the English language or any language to choose from and you choose, that one?" Highly disappointed, Daddy continued with our bath. The usual, wash our bodies, shampoo our hair, rinse our body & hair. At one point during our bath, I started to cry because I wanted to fill my cup up before Daddy turned off the water. Before I could even finish my first breath, he said "Don't even cry about that Maritza!!! You said a curse!! You know what you said!! You'll find out when we're done! We don't say that word. Daddy was right, we don't.
I was wrong and I knew it. What could I do, but wait for my punishment.... It didn't take long. Daddy's fury was well contained while he dried and put lotion on us. So well, it completely slipped my mind. When we were done, Daddy asked Alyssia "Which DVD would you like to watch? Dora or Word World?"
Alyssia said "Dora!" at first.
I called out "World world!". Alyssia agreed. she usually agrees with me, and that's when Daddy ended our conversation with a tone that terrifies me, saying "You are not watching anything tonight, Maritza!. Your punished for cursing!". The waterworks went full blast!
I cried "I promise I won't say that word again. I don't want to go upstairs and sleep in my room alone"
"I don't want you to say that word again, Maritza"
I didn't mean it. It happened without warning. You could say it slipped out, but Daddy would say "it could only slip out if you were preventing yourself from saying it in the first place". I don't know why it sounded as if I've said this before. It was a mistake. I could still see the emotion on my Daddy's face as it projected his shame and disbelief. His little baby girl, had crossed the boundaries of proper language. When Ive seen Daddy at his quietest is when he is at his angriest. It's better to let him calm himself down. DO NOT DISTURB! So, I bowed my head to avoid eye contact. I never felt so ashamed. I peeked my eyes past by brow to assess the situation. The assessment, Daddy caught my eye and didn't let go. It was as if his eyes were speaking a language only I could hear.....well, maybe Alyssia could hear it too. She knew something upset Daddy. She also knew, it wasn't her who upset him. It was me. I was crushed under the weight of Daddy's disappointment. He doesn't have to curse or hit me to prove his point to me(discipline me). I can feel it when Daddy isn't Daddy.
I still can't believe I said it. I'll never forget it, for as long as I live
The story goes, we were in the bath, Daddy turns on the water to the shower head and when it sprayed out, it scared me. I jumped back and said....
this word that Daddy actually asked me to repeat. He said with heavy concern "What did you say, Maritza?!
He asked me twice, then he stopped himself the third time, mid sentence. He said "There are a million words in the English language or any language to choose from and you choose, that one?" Highly disappointed, Daddy continued with our bath. The usual, wash our bodies, shampoo our hair, rinse our body & hair. At one point during our bath, I started to cry because I wanted to fill my cup up before Daddy turned off the water. Before I could even finish my first breath, he said "Don't even cry about that Maritza!!! You said a curse!! You know what you said!! You'll find out when we're done! We don't say that word. Daddy was right, we don't.
I was wrong and I knew it. What could I do, but wait for my punishment.... It didn't take long. Daddy's fury was well contained while he dried and put lotion on us. So well, it completely slipped my mind. When we were done, Daddy asked Alyssia "Which DVD would you like to watch? Dora or Word World?"
Alyssia said "Dora!" at first.
I called out "World world!". Alyssia agreed. she usually agrees with me, and that's when Daddy ended our conversation with a tone that terrifies me, saying "You are not watching anything tonight, Maritza!. Your punished for cursing!". The waterworks went full blast!
I cried "I promise I won't say that word again. I don't want to go upstairs and sleep in my room alone"
"I don't want you to say that word again, Maritza"
I cried and cried, but it didn't change a thing.
I went upstairs with my Daddy. He tucked me into my cold and lonely bed. I don't think I've ever slept without Alyssia. Why did I say that bad word? The good thing is, Daddy laid down next to me looked and my eyes and said "I want to talk about what happened." I love our little talks.
Daddy asked me "Where did you hear that word from? Did you hear it from the sitters house? I know they curse a lot but, you don't hear daddy cursing?, do you?
It was silent for a moment...Daddy asked me again. "Do you hear me cursing?" More silence.
I didn't know if I should tell him, but with everything he's taught me I did.
"I heard you say it when your friends come over and touch your stuff"
"Really, Maritza?" He didn't look as angry as he did when he first heard it. Now, he seemed to feel the shame I felt. It was Daddy's fault. He said to me "I apologize.....I didn't realize. Are you sure you didn't copy it from Apple's house?"
"No Daddy, I didn't. We copy everything you say and do, because we're your children, yea"
"Your right, you should. Still, you shouldn't say bad words, Maritza. When you become an adult you can choose whether or not you want to curse, as for now your just a child and children shouldn't curse."
Daddy paused for a few seconds adding "If you get it from me, I can't be too upset. I tell you to copy everything I do. You're only following by example. I have to set a better example. Let's go downstairs."
"I'm going downstairs to lay with Alyssia?
"Yes, Maritza"
"I'm not punished"
"No your not. We had our talk. we figured it out and you know not to say bad words even if you hear Daddy say it, right?"
"Yes, Daddy"
"Good. Your too pretty to say such ugly words"
"I love you Daddy"
"I love you too, Maritza."
"Daddy?.."
"Yes, Maritza?"
"What do adults say instead of that word?"
"If they can't help saying it at all, some say Sugar Honey Iced Tea. Good night Maritza"
"Goodnight, Daddy." I think It's better to not say anything at all. I hate to see him mad at me.
I went upstairs with my Daddy. He tucked me into my cold and lonely bed. I don't think I've ever slept without Alyssia. Why did I say that bad word? The good thing is, Daddy laid down next to me looked and my eyes and said "I want to talk about what happened." I love our little talks.
Daddy asked me "Where did you hear that word from? Did you hear it from the sitters house? I know they curse a lot but, you don't hear daddy cursing?, do you?
It was silent for a moment...Daddy asked me again. "Do you hear me cursing?" More silence.
I didn't know if I should tell him, but with everything he's taught me I did.
"I heard you say it when your friends come over and touch your stuff"
"Really, Maritza?" He didn't look as angry as he did when he first heard it. Now, he seemed to feel the shame I felt. It was Daddy's fault. He said to me "I apologize.....I didn't realize. Are you sure you didn't copy it from Apple's house?"
"No Daddy, I didn't. We copy everything you say and do, because we're your children, yea"
"Your right, you should. Still, you shouldn't say bad words, Maritza. When you become an adult you can choose whether or not you want to curse, as for now your just a child and children shouldn't curse."
Daddy paused for a few seconds adding "If you get it from me, I can't be too upset. I tell you to copy everything I do. You're only following by example. I have to set a better example. Let's go downstairs."
"I'm going downstairs to lay with Alyssia?
"Yes, Maritza"
"I'm not punished"
"No your not. We had our talk. we figured it out and you know not to say bad words even if you hear Daddy say it, right?"
"Yes, Daddy"
"Good. Your too pretty to say such ugly words"
"I love you Daddy"
"I love you too, Maritza."
"Daddy?.."
"Yes, Maritza?"
"What do adults say instead of that word?"
"If they can't help saying it at all, some say Sugar Honey Iced Tea. Good night Maritza"
"Goodnight, Daddy." I think It's better to not say anything at all. I hate to see him mad at me.
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